here's a little secret: I live in near-constant fear of what other people are thinking about me. the strange thing about this fear is that it has transformed over the years. I used to crave other people's approval. I think this is standard middle-school territory, the struggle of trying to decide who you want to be. I've moved on from that, and I no longer feel the need to make every other person like me. Now, it's the constant question "What are they really thinking?" I constantly fear that people tell me things just to make me feel better, and that in reality, they actually think I'm a freak, or a mess, or awkward.
If I'm being really honest, I think a lot of this stems from my creative nature. When I ask people to critique my designs, I'm always afraid they're not saying what they really think, in order to make me feel better. I think that I feel the same way about how people perceive me as well. Instead of craving approval, I crave honesty. I would rather people shoot straight with me, because then I could see how other people really view me. Part of this is my fault, because I don't trust myself enough. I am absolutely my own worst critic, and I get in my own way about 99% of the time.
I've written about Storyline Blog before, but it worth mentioning again. You should absolutely check it out. It's a consistently great resource, but every so often, there's an article that just absolutely blows me away. Recently, I found one of those that just slapped me in the face with relevance. It started:
The great stumbling block of the creative mind is the awareness of self from the perspective of others. Self awareness isn’t the enemy, because we are in fact masterworks of God, but rather the overemphasis regarding what others think of us. When we think too much about the opinions of others, we are letting them edit a book God has written.
(article by Don Miller)
Wow. Every time I reread those sentences, I am so thankful, and feel so silly for worrying. I should post this on every wall of my room, write it on my hand, make it my screensaver. It's good to find those words that calm your anxiety, and this does just the trick for me.
If I'm being really honest, I think a lot of this stems from my creative nature. When I ask people to critique my designs, I'm always afraid they're not saying what they really think, in order to make me feel better. I think that I feel the same way about how people perceive me as well. Instead of craving approval, I crave honesty. I would rather people shoot straight with me, because then I could see how other people really view me. Part of this is my fault, because I don't trust myself enough. I am absolutely my own worst critic, and I get in my own way about 99% of the time.
I've written about Storyline Blog before, but it worth mentioning again. You should absolutely check it out. It's a consistently great resource, but every so often, there's an article that just absolutely blows me away. Recently, I found one of those that just slapped me in the face with relevance. It started:
The great stumbling block of the creative mind is the awareness of self from the perspective of others. Self awareness isn’t the enemy, because we are in fact masterworks of God, but rather the overemphasis regarding what others think of us. When we think too much about the opinions of others, we are letting them edit a book God has written.
(article by Don Miller)
Wow. Every time I reread those sentences, I am so thankful, and feel so silly for worrying. I should post this on every wall of my room, write it on my hand, make it my screensaver. It's good to find those words that calm your anxiety, and this does just the trick for me.